| Jan. 4th, 2009 @ 11:40 pm (no subject) |
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So I have been in Germany for the past week and I do realize how comfortable and relaxed I am when I am here. I am just around my family and close friends and I do not have to be anyone but me. Which is a great relief. Try as I do, I feel too often that I am a completelz different person then I want to be, around certain people. Especially in Spain. In the states not so much because I have a lot of old friends that share my interests and that really know me. It's a bit exhausting being in Spain like that so being home just feels great.
One big problem is my grandpa. Well, he is not really a problem, per se. It's just that it does make me a bit sad. He has been suffering from Alzheimers for a little while but in the past it's just been unimportant things or what he has just done that he forgot. Now it's much more obvious and important things. He doesn't even know who I am. He looked at the confused when I walked in and shook my hand! He never shook my hand, for as long as I could remember, even last year, he waited in the driveway for us to arrive and then took me in a huge hug and twirled me around. This year he was in his chair and didn't know I was coming or who I was. He has asked my grandma and my aunts several times who "that girl is" and if she is staying.
It doesn't bother me that he doesn't know my name really, I understand he sees me once a year. It just makes me indescribely sad that he is forgetting everything slowly. He even forgets that his other grandchildren are boys, he keeps talking about the other "girls" and they live next door and he sees them most everyday!! |
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